Cathlena Martin

Introduction Paragraph

Fall 2007
Syllabus
Assignments
101.04 Schedule
101.13 Schedule
Grade book
Helps
FAQs

INTRODUCTIONS

1) Does your introduction “grab” the reader in some way? Does it attempt to entice the reader? If not, here are ways you might improve it:
~ Start with a quotation to set the stage
~ Provide historical background
~ Present a controversy or shocking statement/fact
~ Challenge a commonly held view
~ Pose a question or problem
~ Present a profile or anecdote
~ Move from general to specific
~ Move from specific to general (anecdote, illustration)

2) Does your introduction include a thesis or itinerary statement? If not, can you clarify your approach by including one? Does the introduction provide enough information about your “project”?

3) In what kind of “voice” have you written the introduction? Who is the “reader” you envision? Can you detect a distinctive tone in your introduction?

4) Go through the text looking for words that are not doing work, that are merely filler or extraneous to the sentence's meaning. You’ll want to remove those words and phrases.

5) Note the "to be" verbs (is, am, are, was, were): Remember that these words may flag passive constructions.

6) Also examine each sentence for the subject and its verb. Is the "main character" the subject of the sentence? Is the "main character" performing the "action" that the sentence's verb expresses? If not, revise the sentence so that the main character becomes the subject and performs the main action of the sentence.

7) Now consider each verb. Is this the best verb possible? What might be more vivid or appropriate considering your meaning and objectives?

8) Check the sentence structure: are there run-ons? Fragments? Short sentences? If so, fix the problems, using dashes, semi-colons, and colons. Check all spelling and grammar, too.

9) Check the subject-verb-object order of each sentence. Look for opportunities to vary this construction by inverting this order or starting sentences with prepositional phrases.

10) Look at how each sentence connects with the one before and after it (i.e., how the sentences flow). Can you improve the flow by re-arranging the sentences? How can the end of one sentence "hook" into the beginning of the next sentence? Do you spot any sentences that seem out of place? Revise and improve transitions both within each paragraph and between the paragraphs of the introduction.

11) Look at each noun. Is this the best noun possible? What might be more vivid or appropriate considering your goal?

12) Look at each adjective and adverb. Is each necessary? Could you improve the sentence by inserting a more appropriate noun or verb to convey more concisely the information of the adverb or adjective?

13) Have you avoided the following introduction “don’ts”?
~ Speechmaking formula—where you say what you’re going to say and then you say it.
~ Gimmicks and “cute” attention getters
~ A definitive conclusion in your introduction
~ A bland or too broad beginning.

14) Does your introduction “set up” the next section of your paper to follow? Can you improve this feature of your introduction?

 

Introduction Examples

Churchill, Sir Winston Leonard Spencer. “ Britannia.” Book One -- The Island Race: History of the English-Speaking Peoples. (Edited for one volume by Henry Steele Commager). New York: Barnes & Noble Books, 1995.

Page 1.

In the summer of the Roman year 699, now described as the year 55 before the birth of Christ, the Proconsul of Gaul, Gaius Julius Caesar, turned his gaze upon Britain. In the midst of his wars in Germany and in Gaul he became conscious of this heavy Island which stirred his ambitions and already obstructed his designs. To Caesar the Island presented itself as an integral part of his task of subjugating the Northern Barbarians to the rule and system of Rome. The land not covered by forest or marsh was verdant and fertile. The climate, though far from genial, was equable and healthy. The natives, though uncouth, had a certain value as slaves for rougher work on the land, in mines, and even about the house. The Romans, however, hated and feared the sea. By a supreme effort of survival they had two hundred years before surpassed Carthage upon its own element in the Mediterranean, but the idea of Roman legions landing in the remote, unknown, fabulous Island of the vast ocean of the North would create a novel thrill and topic in all ranks of Roman society.

Vassallo, Philip. "Executive summaries: where less really is more. (Words on the Line)."
ETC.: A Review of General Semantics. 60:1 (Spring 2003). 83-91.
Full Text: COPYRIGHT 2003 International Society for General Semantics

The Executive Summary, that brief, introductory section of a lengthy report or proposal, is often the only place decision makers go to determine whether they will take measurable actions on an idea or scrap it, whether they will allocate funds to a project or shred the document. Management demands that the executive summary live up to its name. (Summary comes from the Latin summatium, meaning epitome.) So the expectation is clear: tell me as thoroughly as possible, without wasting a word, only the information important to me so that I can decide on whatever you expect of me. "Millions of dollars are at stake," a client for a major pharmaceutical company recently told me. "All the logic and due diligence I put into the proposal are useless unless I can move the CEO to act on the strength of the executive summary alone."

Richards, David. "KUNG POW; Jackie Chan Is Asia's Biggest Star. Now He's Invading America:[FINAL Edition]." The Washington Post (Pre-1997 Fulltext).

Washington, D.C.: Feb 25, 1996.
Page G.01

Sylvester Stallone is a phony. Bruce Willis is just a wimp. And don't even mention Jean-Claude Van Damme, that . . . that . . . Belgian waffle. In the pantheon of movie action heroes, there is only one true god and his name is Jackie Chan. At least that's what the folks at New Line Cinema, the distributors of "Rumble in the Bronx," would like you to believe. A cheerfully rambunctious film in which Chan plays a tourist from Hong Kong who unwittingly lands in the mean streets of the South Bronx (played by the city of Vancouver), "Rumble" opened this weekend at 1,500 theaters across the country. If it does well, rest assured, you'll see more of the 41-year-old Chinese actor soon. Miramax has two of his earlier slam-bangers, "Drunken Master II" and "Crime Story," already waiting in the wings.

Morrison, Toni. “Cinderella’s Stepsisters.” Argument and Persuasion: Writing in the Disciplines. (Behrens and Rosen section). Pages 731-732.

Let me begin by taking you back a little. Back before the days at college. To nursery school, probably, to a once-upon-a-time when you first heard, or read, or, I suspect, even saw “Cinderella.” Because it is Cinderella that I want to talk about; because it is Cinderella who causes me a feeling of urgency. What is unsettling about that fairy tale is that it is essentially the story of a household – a world, if you please – of women gathered together and held together in order to abuse another woman. There is, of course, a rather vague absent father and a nick-of-time prince with a foot fetish. But neither has much personality. And there are the surrogate “mothers,” of course (god- and step-), who contribute both to Cinderella’s grief and to her release and happiness. But it is her stepsisters who interest me. How crippling it must have been for those young girls to grow up with a mother, to watch and imitate that mother, enslaving another girl.